The Fall of '92

The strenuous thoughts filled her mind. She stood alone and the thoughts overwhelmed her heart. Her body itself was not solely standing, but inside, she knew that she had no one to turn to, not even herself. The last resort handed her a fate of pure discontentment. A rescue was as far off as the depths of the ocean were from the shore. The dark tone of her skin reminded her of the days when she enjoyed the sun. The sun now ceased to exist. The warmth was provided by the constant fog that seemed to hide the cool breeze. Tears were like the rain that fell day in and day out and no longer could she control the shadow of sadness that followed her like a ghost -- a ghost that lingered long past Halloween -- and as Annabelle sat in the silence of her bedroom, the fall of '92 crept slowly back into her mind.

The autumn leaves danced around the sky. The aroma of burning fire wood scented the air and satisfied the Fredrick family -- who lounged in their backyard, enjoying the pure gift of company. These were the days, the moments and the memories that held happiness. The married couple laughed, the younger children played and the dogs ran around. There was a general ease that hovered over the community, like a kiss from heaven. Smiles crossed the faces of everone that gathered around on this breezy afternoon. Love was the underlying message that was sent with every wave, every hello and every conversation that left every lip.

Annabelle was the oldest child of the family; her two younger brothers looked up to her and her parents could not be prouder. Her inviting personality overflowed with love and she was one of the kindest girls in the whole town. She was soft-spoken, yet her words were known by people of all ages. At only sixteen, her wisdom was sought after by both young and old. Gently, she opened up her heart to everyone and made herself available to anyone who was in need. You could call it a hobby, but it was more of a joy for Annabelle: helping others and ensuring their happiness. Her smile glistened in the sunlight and even on rainy days, it seemed to shed light -- no one ever saw her frown. She had a close-knit family, lots of friends, always did well in school and lived in a strong community; some would say she really had no reason to frown. With a willingness unlike anyone else, she tackled the burdens of others and always managed to do it with a positive attitude.

One day, Annabelle's best friend Kasey came crying to her about boyfriend problems. He forgot her birthday and then when they talked later that night, he didn't even think it was a big deal to have forgotten her special day. Even though Kasey was crushed, Annabelle knew just what to say. "Just remember, he is in the height of his football season and he did apologize for it. Even though he didn't go crazy over his mistake, you know how much he likes you," she always spoke so calmly, "He is just a guy and guys forget things, think about all the people who did remember your birthday -- like me!" The two girls laughed and Kasey smiled, thanking Annabelle once again for making everything okay. She always made things okay -- it was basically her job -- and she never disappointed anyone.

The night before his first cross country race, Annabelle's fourteen year old brother, Nico, was having trouble falling asleep. Hoping she would calm his nerves and allow for some sleep, he called Annabelle into his room. "When you played soccer back in elementary school, you ran up and down the field with the endurance of a race horse. We always knew cross country would be your sport and although you may be nervous, you know how fast you are. Trust in yourself, and have faith in your ability." He smiled at her with sleepy eyes; she had done her job well. "Goodnight Nico."

And that is how it went every time. Anytime someone needed her, she was there to speak words of wisdom beyond her years. With an open heart and ears ready to listen, she captured the problems of others and with each story, she took on another weight of a person's life.

One night, Annabelle was on her way home from soccer practice and her mom called her with sadness in her voice. She told Annabelle the devastating news that her elderly neighbor, Henry, was found unconscious earlier that afternoon and was just announced dead after spending several hours in the emergency room. Annabelle was crushed; she visited with Henry almost every Sunday afternoon to talk and drink hot chocolate. She credited him for all her wisdom; he was like a second grandfather to her -- since one of her grandpa's lived across the country and the other died before she was even born. This tragic event hit her like a ton of bricks and she began to weep as she drove home. This sadness was a rare feeling for her; usually she could brush things off and have a positive, hopeful, outlook. As her mother called for her on the phone, there was a silence for the first time on the other end. Annabelle just drove; she had lost her source of words -- the reason she felt people needed her.

For days, she put aside her own emotions and continued to fake smile and stay strong for the people who needed her, but then the day of Henry's funeral came. During the service, the pastor asked Annabelle to come up and say a few words. Earlier that month, Henry had asked Annabelle that if anything had every happened to him, she would stand up at his funeral and "do her thing" to make sure no one was too sad and that they could move past his death knowing he was in a better place. Tears covered the faces of most and as she stood up at the pulpit -- looking out at his family, friends and this community -- she couldn't help but become one of those people. The room was filled with an immense solitude, with the reality of loss, and she could not usher a single word. Annabelle stood in that church and for the first time she was silent. It was all to much for her to take in and as the rain came down outside, she could not be strong anymore. Her mother walked up, grabbed her and walked her weak body off stage.

The funeral could not end soon enough and as Annabelle laid in her bed later that day, her heart felt heavy. Staring around her room, she was interrupted by a phone call. It was Aaron -- her youth pastor. The church was making a lot of changes and constantly overwhelmed and stressed, he called her occasionally for feedback. Feeling completely lost, she decided not to answer. It was the first time she had ever ignored a cry for help, but it became too much for her to handle. The burdens became too much, the voices overpowering and the problems overwhelming. She was expected to be strong for everyone else, but she found it impossible to be strong for herself. It had all happened so fast; the tradegy of Henry's death hit her with a pounding devastation and despite all the times she helped others through hardships, she found it hard to take her own advice. The only solution she could figure was to no longer be a source of wisdom. If her source of wisdom had been taken away, how would she be able to give anymore? If she couldn't even help herself, how would she manage to help anyone else? And so she became silent.

As time pressed on, the days turned into nights and the joys into sorrows. Darkness swept over the town with a feeling of hopelessness. The date of October 27th, 1992, would forever be a scar in the lives of many. For the family of Henry, it was a loss of a father, brother and grandfather. For Annabelle it was a loss of a wise friend who blessed her life in many ways and for the entire community it was a loss of a young girl who held wisdom beyond her years and was admired by many.

The rain still came down from the dark blue sky, all these years later, and the tears still fell from her face. Every 27th of October, she remembered the tragic event that silenced her voice. Over and over, she played the memories in her head -- like a broken record -- and she wondered if Henry ever thought of her up in heaven. She was twenty-one now, living on her own, trying to survive the last years of college and as she peered out the window that day, she swore the clouds began to take the shape of the mugs her and Henry used to drink hot chocolate out of. Slowly but surely, the sun poked through the storm clouds and her heart suddenly felt warm. The feeling of comfort had been foreign for so long and for the first time since his death, she felt Henry speak to her; he was blessing her -- telling her to move past his death and continue his life through her. Her meeting with Henry was quickly interrupted by the door slamming of her new roommate, Haley. She looked flustered and angry. "I cannot stand my parents. Even though I am away at college, they still think they can control me. It is extremely frustrating." Thinking of Henry, Annabelle uttered the words that had not left her lips in years, "I think I can help."

The Painful Birth of a Beautiful Life

Complete evasion of the body
Striving to survive, to remain hopeful
Unsure of how you got here
Unsure of who you are
Unsure of the mistakes made
Perfection is a still image
Unreachable with the gentle touch of your hand
The tragic images creep quietly into your mind
The innocence of your body stripped away;
Seventeen years old

A single stroke of your silkier than straight hair
Sheds light on a beautiful future
Scarred forever by the memories
Silently you retrace the road traveled
It haunts your mind
Internally frightened of the past
But as a smile crosses your face
You embrace the future
Gently they whisper, “It’s time”
Completely still on the warm hospital bed
The tender sheets underlie you in hope
Eased by the comforting voices
Surrounded with security, with safeness

Holding onto the world with strength
You scream with dignity,
Dignity that effaces fear
Tears of strength fall from your cheeks
Releasing everything, your heart soars
The heavens sparkle before your tightly clenched eyes
Pressing on, you leave the old life behind
Breathing new life into the world,
Into the silence of the white-walled room

Sustaining, recovering
A mesmerizing key
Unlocking the heights of your future
Send off the worries,
Seize the dream that lies ahead
For love will overpower,
Love will conquer all
As you gaze into the deep blue eyes
The deep blue eyes of your young